Morning Watch 5/13/13
How does it come together?
(Psalm 42:3, 8)
Ofttimes I feel I have more questions than answers. How does this fit? What’s next? When will I know? Where are the promises? Why this way? Now I’m wondering if the questioning isn’t part of, or a continuation of my educational training. “Ofttimes,” who even uses that word anymore, I used the “H+4Ws” to help me through English classes.
How do I continue to put faith in the educational process, when it is what showed me my deficits; where I learned to think of myself as “retarded,” and why I decided to become a cold hearted bully, who needed to feel good about something.
Correction! 5Ws and an H.
(CORRECTION- that word reminds me of so many of my papers being covered in red ink; so many mistakes; so many corrections.)
Mostly, what I learned was how to become a good liar. Since I knew the real me- “ignoramus”- I first needed to cover(lie) that fact as deep as possible. You need to understand that this was a self perception.
What one perceives, one usually believes.
In my rear view mirror I see now that I had some of the best teachers money could buy. However, my experience was heart- spirit- breaking. Everybody else had a brain, or at least one that worked. Mine seemed to lack two essentials, how to keep track of things, and how to remember. I still have to count my fingers for pity’s sake! If you were to ask any students or teachers or even my parents about my educational experience, they’d say I was a good kid even popular. I don’t think anyone knew how I felt inside.
I believed the same old lie that has been going around since the beginning, namely, “you aren’t good enough!”
So I’m looking at the endless questions I have, and see now that I’m being tempted to lose faith in who God says I am. God says I am of more value to him than life itself.
Andy Andrews poses a question to those of us who feel stuck, not knowing what to do next, having no answers to the questions. He asks, “if you could think of what to do next, what would it be?” Seems like an odd question to be asking. But it may be the exact question I should be asking. In light of the perspective God has of me, there is nothing I need to do more than be who I was created to be. All those questions will become answered as I continue in the path set before me.
It is the path to heaven. It is the path of truth. It is the path that reveals who I am from God’s point of view.
Day and night I have only tears for food, while my enemies continually taunt me, saying, “Where is this God of yours?”
But each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me, and through each night I sing his songs, praying to God who gives me life. (Psalms 42:3, 8 NLT)
Morning Watch 5/13/13